Nightsong

a poem

3 am

The distant yard light print shadows of
timber like veins across the edge of the bed.
The dog squeaks a yawn.
I feel in the air the breath
and sleepy rhythm of each mound
of person in each bed as I pass on the way to
the little one at the end of the hall.

She raises her arms up high, her voice
singing out to me sharp and desperate.
I bring her back to my covers.
She presses her round, doughy cheeks
against my skin,
pats my stomach to match
the rhythm of her gulps.

Sleep and wake blur,
around the picture of her next to me.
She wakes and comes to her hands and knees
between him and me.
She sits a moment, pondering where
she is, then drops her velvety head
squarely on my neck, jolting my pulse.
I realize I must choose between
breathing and waking her.

My breath gets shallow as I attempt
a compromise.

I roll her into her daddy's arms.
He pulls her onto his chest, in the rote
movement, done without waking.
It must be at least 15 minutes,
            maybe 2 hours
before he whispers, "Should we bring
her back to her bed?"

He can't keep sleeping with her there.  The body
warmth makes them stick like glue,
            though he can't bear to move her.

"5 more minutes," I say.

I push away the weight of sleep to see
my 2 loves resting together,
cheek to chest,

carve into memory this picture,
these sounds,
enjoying the stillness of my soul.

The fan in the hallway plays its
low, sustained note.

Her dimpled hand rests on his shoulder.

I carefully peel her limp body off of his,
with her arms open like a damsel under
spell from her prince.

She puckers her lips in dreamy thought
and squints her eyes shut, her back
arches as she is removed from her bed of
skin to the cold air.
I hold her tight and journey together.

She sighs when she feels the
familiar flannel in her bed and her
breathing finds its deep rhythm.

I tiptoe the zigzag path of the hallway,
the memorized maze where with each step the
wood plays a creaking note varying in dynamics
back to my rest,
layers of painted floor exposing the
steps of previous generations.


I wrote this poem over a year ago.  It's the right time now to share it here.  I am so out of practice of writing poetry, but it sure was fun to have a try at it again.  My only regret is that I keep thinking that if I were still in touch with my old poetry writing group that met for coffee, and critiqued each other's work this would be so much better.  Maybe one day I'll have such another group.

Yarn Along

I'm reading a book off my bookshelf this week that I bought ages ago when I heard the author speak at an event, with the best of intentions, but have never read yet.  Susie Larson is incredibly inspiring, and I feel like I'm gaining some clarity on some things I've been praying about for over a year through reading this.  I think I've been focusing too big.  I'm realizing that I need to focus on the small.  I need to focus on the quality and service in the small things, and with the small people.  I think that's what I have been doing, but I see others doing big things, and I wonder if I'm missing something, or doing something wrong because everything in my life is small.  My self-doubt and self-criticism kicks in when it is all small.

We all have dreams, and we all have aspirations.  I realized that I was concentrating on things I often criticize the Church for doing.  I want to be flashy and noticed and smart.  The model Christ sets for us is so much more simple.  It's base level simple.  Getting off his seat in heaven he came to us.  Seeing a need, he humbles himself and washes feet like the lowliest of servants.  He is so assured of who he is, that nothing was below him.  His identity was so secure that no job could debase it.  I think his disciples were annoyed how much he talked about humility.  I think they were always thinking of the next level, and he was always pushing the fundamentals.  Sometimes the hardest areas to walk in obedience are the areas of the small.

Anyway, I'm gaining some clarity I have been seeking for a few years.  I have been patiently waiting for God to show me the next step, and in this book, I see it so loud and clear: go lower.  Be smaller.  Be faithful in the small, unflashy, unnoticed things.  Cultivate those deep, few friendships and stop having these popularity goals for my blog.  Value the sweet readers I have and give them the best I have, and stop reaching for more.  It's not that I wouldn't like more readers, it's that my quest for them is distracting, and I have no time for that in my life right now.

There's actually some very long stories behind these thoughts, but this book couldn't have come at a more opportune time.  I wonder if I would have gotten this clarity months ago when I bought this book, or if God was saving it for just this time.  Either way, I'm thankful.

_________

My knitting is coming along nicely.  I knew it was the perfect summer project, and I was right.  It's a gift for a friend of mine in ministry, who I feel needs some extra arms wrapped around her.  Since she is so far away from me, I thought I'd wrap my arms around here in the form of yarn.  I hope she likes it.  Project notes can be found here.  I'm calling this project "Miss Rumphius."  (not my pattern, but I do like to name my projects.  Naming is fun.)  That name is based off of a character in a children's picture book, about a woman who scatters wildflower seeds at the end of her life, so that beauty can be found after she is gone.  It's a book that ask the question: what kind of mark are you leaving on this world?"

Mudpie Kitchen

Those who follow me on Instagram may have noticed our creation of a mudpie kitchen outdoors this last week.

I first saw the concept of a "mudpie kitchen" from my friend, Ginny.  I love it when my kids play in dirt.  There's something unexplainable about having them pour their sweat into the earth and sparks the most basic, the most wonderful imagination within them.  The desire for this kind of space was amplified when we started reading as a family over and over again Roxaboxen which is a delightful picture book about kids who create a whole imaginary village in a rock field.

The small building just outside our house is called "the summer kitchen" because the original owners of the house used it to cook and can during the hot summer months so it wouldn't warm the house.  Most of the outbuildings on the farm are full of old things that have never been gone through.  They're junk piles, really, but if you go digging you can find some treasures.  Treasures are in the eyes of the beholders in most of these cases.  The old large stove is still in the summer kitchen, as well as a rusty old cabinet, and bits and end pieces of original trim for the house.  We've added to it storing all of a garden stuff, as well as the bikes and sleds and any outside toys.

(This is a birthday cake, for those wondering.)

On one side of the summer kitchen there's a pretty antique rose bush, and a piece of dirt that is mostly shaded and I have managed to kill years worth of flowers that I can't seem to get to take root with it's rocky foundation.  As I was debating which kind of flower would meet a slow death in this spot this year, I had an epiphany.  Nothing is ever here but dirt.  Therefore, it would be an ideal spot for a mudpie kitchen.

I executed this plan very sloppily as I was working in the garden and the 2 little girls were getting underfoot.  I asked Silje to set up some "furniture" using some old wooden boxes and drawers inside the summer kitchen for some kitchen furniture.  She brought out the old metal bowls and pots.  I could tell she didn't know what I meant by furniture.

So I brought out a couple of boxes to choose from, and soon I could see all 3 of the girls started to see what I was planning.  They started to "get to work" arranging their pots and pans and filling them with dirt.  I climbed the latter to the attic of the summer kitchen to see if I could find anymore things to bring the mudpie kitchen to life.  We have a total of 3 bathroom sinks up there.  (I have no idea why.  We don't even have 3 bathrooms.)  I was at first thinking that we could have one of the sinks down there in the kitchen, but they were much to heavy for me to attempt moving.  I did see this little charcoal stove, with charcoal still in it.  The glass is long gone, and there's some sort of plastic cover that replaced the original.  I put the charcoal out, and set the stove up in their new mudpie kitchen.

The front on it opened beautifully.  It requires that you turn the heavy, smooth metal knobs at the top. I was able to get it down the ladder, with some help from the big kids.  The little girls were delighted at a "real" oven to be added to their kitchen.  The girls played in it for hours as I got to work in the garden, and I could see everything they were doing from that side of the summer kitchen so that was pretty fun for me too.

This has quickly become the favorite spot of Ingrid, Solveig, and even Elias sometimes when he gets off his bike.  I've been adding an old broom, an old rusty muffin pan, and whatever else I can find.

(They were making soup this time, and then it got hauled away in a dump truck to bring to all of the construction workers.)

Silje is having just as much fun as the little girls there when she has time, and she has the knack of getting dirtier faster than any of my other kids.  She's showing the little girls how it is done.  I missed taking pictures of Silje up to her elbows in thick, black mud.

So far, they've baked some meatballs, and some cupcakes and a few loaves of mud bread.  This is very serious business for these kids.

Ginny highly recommended to me this mudpie recipe book, which has the girls scouring the lawn for particular flowers, acorn, pine needle or blades of grass to mix in for a particular recipe.  It somehow turns into a scavenger hunt that way.  Silje will read them the recipe while I'm in the garden, and they each contribute something to it.  They are keeping very, very busy.

I'm Blessed

Good Morning, Friends.

We had such a good weekend.  Knut and his family finished planting the corn, and they are onto the soy beans.  The weather could not be any more obliging for planting season.  This means we see very little of Knut.  Of course, I didn't get my garden in last week like I had planned, but the garden prep is going well.  It feels late because of this glorious weather, but in fact I'm still early.  I'm trying hard to not let it mess with my head.  It's that time of year where there is massive amounts of work all around me that will likely take all summer to mostly complete.  It can either be exciting and inspiring, like a blank slate, or overwhelming like an army of grass invading on every side.

Speaking of armies of grass, the kids and I have named our gardens.  I told David as he was helping me prep the "old garden" that this area was actually the country of "Gardentopia" and it was being invaded in a brutal war from the country of the grasslands.  We were soldiers sent to fight for the territory of Gardentopia.  The kids liked that.

The kids really liked this story, so we had to come up with a name for "the new garden" which are the French style beds that we added near the chicken coop last year.  I named that country "Versailles" after the famous palace just outside of Paris with it's vast gardens.  Elias really wanted to name a garden "Bloom" so that is the name of our front flower bed.  The country of Bloom is in really bad shape in it's war against the grasslands.  However, we must fight for Gardentopia first, because we have a vested interest in that country because of it's export of vegetables which takes priority over Bloom which has an expert of flowers, though I plan on putting all my herbs there this year, so it's not like it's just completely frivolous.  Once martial law has a firm hold of Gardentopia and Versailles, we will turn our forces to Bloom.

As you can tell, we've been having some fun.  But I'm totally not showing you pictures of the garden yet.  I can't bear to.  It's too depressing.  I do not want to record and remember how slow it is going.

I am so relieved to be done with April.  It was far too busy, and I feel so ragged from it.  May promises to be extremely busy, but just a hair less.  At least I hope.  Those are famous last words.

This last weekend we got to grill hot dogs and vegetables.  I had a playdate with one of my best friends who I never get to see because she's even busier than even me, but she's one of those people who you feel is just like balm for your soul.  I don't have to carefully word my conversation around her, or wonder if she is secretly judging me.  And every time I meet with her, I feel like she pushed me more towards Christ.  I feel uplifted, and full of hope.  I know she's probably not aware that she even does this for me, but she is the definition of a kindred spirit.

Sigh.  I haven't always had a friend like this, with so many years of feeling completely lonely, it makes me feel the weight of the blessing of having even one friend like this.

Ideas on Hard Work and How You Can't "Make Them Learn"

As funny as I find it, people seem to think of me as an experienced homeschooler.  They must because they ask my advice all the time, especially this time of year, when people are starting to make plans and decisions for this fall.  I still consider myself a newbie because I'm still figuring out the level my oldest is at.  However, I have read a bunch, and have some experience with the early education age.  That is the stage I have now done repetitively.  I write this because I have friends who have talked to me about a dilemma in their homeschool.  More friends than I can count on my hands, in fact.

The issue I find parents running into when starting to homeschool is how to approach the issue of teaching your kid to push through, work hard, and just learn it.  Very often in these conversations, one parent (very often the dad, but not always) wants the kids to just push through and learn the material.  They assume that obviously an issue of effort, if something isn't going right.  I say it's often the dad pushing the hard work, and I think there's a reason for this.  I know this isn't true across the board, but I know for Knut and I, Knut is always pushing the kids.  He pushes them to adventure, explore and experiment.  I am always telling them to be careful and don't do anything stupid.  (I push them too, and he protects them too, but it's a matter of our first reaction and goal/mindset.)  I think kids need both kinds of parents.  They need the one telling them to push hard, and another one telling them to be cautious.  It gives them balance.  I think a lot of dads especially, can think of a defining moment in their life when hard work paid off.  When they dug deep and it made a difference.  They want that for their kids.  That's a good thing.

So here's the story I hear over and over.  It's the classic story of parents who were never homeschooled, trying to homeschool their kids.  All they have ever known is conventional schooling, and at least one parent is set on making school at home look just like that, as some means of a compromise.  (I lived this story too to an extent, except Silje started out in a public school.  I find this story more common with those who are starting out from home.)  A family decides to start homeschooling.  They start in kindergarten as a trial.  After all, kindergarten can be skipped.  You can't screw up your kid too bad in kindergarten, so it's "safe" to experiment that year.  You buy a curriculum.  You set goals.  You have a schedule.  You want to be smart.  The goal is to prove to every nay-sayer that you actually know what you are doing.  This will be the year that all future years of homeschooling will rest.  If this year doesn't work according to plan, then you are convinced homeschooling is not for you.

And your child resists.  He/she doesn't even care about the curriculum, schedule, or your goals.  So the natural reaction is to push through.  Make them do it.  Get it done.  School isn't just unicorns and ice cream, it's about work.

I'm not mocking this idea of pushing through.  I agree with it to a large extent.  The problem often found is there is a learning curve on when to push, and when to pull back.  I'm learning a lot of it has to do with age and context, which I'll talk about below.  If I were to list the top 3 things I wish my kids knew well, "how to work hard" would be on it.  So this goal of working hard is good.  However, the way you approach this lesson is key.  It's so key.

So here are some things to think about as you brainstorm how to teach your child to push through and work hard.  This isn't a guide by any means.  It's just some things to try out or consider if this is something you struggle with.  Perfect homeschool moms need not read further.

Kids Are People...Unique People

Of course they are not autonomous.  They don't make their own rules.  We are not raising a flock of hippies.  I am a fan of order.  But let's first acknowledge at least that your child will have certain God-given interests and gifts. There are things that will spark their imagination and things that will ruffle their feathers.  Concentrating on what they are bad at is a bad way to teach.  Especially in early elementary, the readiness of each child for each subject will vary, and pushing is the last thing you could do.  It will destroy your child's will to learn anything.  That doesn't mean you ignore the things they are uninterested in, it means that you introduce them very strategically.  You don't make it the center of your homeschool.  Make their least favorite subject the school elective.  That's likely the role that subject will be in their life long term anyway.  It's how you customize their education.

Attach Hard Work to Things they Love

So often, we attach hard work to things kids hate.  Hate handwriting?  Well, don't ever be afraid of hard work.  Hate spelling?  Well, work at it.  I've learned this makes my kids despise the word "work" like some sort of gag reflex.  Instead, I've learned to attach "hard work" to things that they love.

"Wow, you really like to tinker with tools don't you?  I'll bet if you work hard, you could create something really fun!"

"I can tell you love reading.  You know if you work hard, I bet you could read 100 books this year."

When you think about it, if you hating ice skating, and your parents made you take figure skating lessons, and they kept telling you to work harder and harder, you might think it's dumber and dumber.  You may begin to enjoy it too.  But there will be days of dread, that's for sure.  But lets say you wanted to play soccer and your parents put you in soccer.  The drills and conditioning were harder than you thought they'd be, and your coach and parents push you anyway.  You feel inspired because something you wanted to do seems out of reach and all these adults around you say that no, it's not out of reach.  You can do it.  That's when you learn how to work hard.

One thing I learned when trying to teach David self control is that I was consistently doing it from the standpoint of not moving.  Sit still.  Sit down.  Stop kicking.  Control yourself.  When his doctor suggested putting him in Tae Kwon Do, she specifically said, "because likely his brain needs to learn self control through the means of action or movement."  Let me tell you, the boy loves self control now.  He can even keep still sometimes... for short periods.  It's like a light switched in his brain.

When you think about it, one of the most tedious things in the world are working hard at things you really don't care about.  If you were an adult, stuck in a dead end job, and everyone around you said to just work harder, you would get angrier and angrier.  However, if you were stuck in a dead end job, doing stuff you hated, and someone said, "Hey, let's get you a job you do love." You would probably kiss that person.

Be that person for your kids.  You will build trust, and pretty soon, when you say "It's time for school" they will anticipate learning, not recoil from it.

Inspriation is Key

Your kids won't always like every subject, and every project.  That's a given.  I think that every family has that one heckling kid too, who says that every project is "stupid."  So how do you deal with that?  Well, that's where the beauty of homeschooling kicks in.  You have more tools in your toolbox in dealing with this, and it would be foolish to leave those tools unused.  Here are some common techniques I use to introduce school stuff to the kids that sometimes work.

• Stop school.  I mean, just stop doing it.  But take away all screens in the house too.  Just let them get good and bored.  This may take a few days.  Create an atmosphere of learning, where every option in front of them is equally educational and inciting.  Let them rediscover that curiosity is fun.  Let them remember imagination.  After awhile, they'll be begging you for grammar activities.  Or they'll be up to their ears in a project that is stimulating their brains and pushing themselves further than you could imagine.  Both are pretty good outcomes.  

Because, here's the deal.  Kids are designed to learn and strive.  Yes, they are born imperfect, but their core design is figuring stuff out and creating.  You want to see hard work?  Watch a baby learn to walk.  They know all about sore muscles, teeth pushing through, studying the use of a spoon...they are wired to learn.  They will get satisfaction from learning and working and sometimes they need pushing, but more often we just need to get out of the way.  They may not work on the things that we want them to work on, or on the subjects we prescribe.  But allow them time to develop the joy of working hard at something they love.  Give them the time to let curiosity overtake them.  Their brains come pre-primed for this.

• Read them inspiring stories about people involved in the areas that you are trying to introduce. Make this subject "live" a bit so they see the purpose behind it.  Stories are powerful.  Never ever underestimate them.  There's a reason Jesus used stories all the time.
• Use the skill in front of them.  Trying to work on multiplication table?  Figure something out, out loud, about how many ounces of something you will need to buy for a certain meal.  Do a quilting project with them.  Bake some cookies.  When they see the application, the desire will start to flicker.  This means that "school time" might look like following you around in your day to day life.  Sometimes that's exactly what a child needs to see the point in mastering a skill.
• Bribe them with "recess".  Make it a race.  Set timers.  Bring humor into it.  Be silly.  Lighten up.  I know you feel the pressure to homeschool with excellence but take it down a notch.  These are kids.  They love to have fun.  It's part of their design, and the more you work with their design, the more you will accomplish.  In fact, studies show that humor brings information from the short term to the long term section of a child's brain.  If you really want them to know it, be funny.  If you really want them to black it out, make it torturous.  It's basic science.  
• Feed them.  My kids will do nearly any schoolwork if there are cookies on the table.
• Use music often.  I learned this trick from my mom.  Work is so much easier with music.  You can manage the mood of your house, either wild and energetic, or calm and meditative based off of the background noise.  This is a completely underused resource.  
• OK, make them, but choose your battles.  I mean, make it really worth it.  Don't be a pushover.  I'm certainly not saying let them run the show.  There are sometimes you just have to do stuff you don't like to do.  That's a fact of life.  You cannot avoid this step throughout childhood.  Ha...especially with some kids.  But this should not be step 1.  You will use this occasionally, but this is not the foundation of your school day.  If it is, then you have a perfect recipe for mutual misery.  Personally?  The battles I pick are for chores more than schoolwork.  There are a few reasons for that, the first being that they don't fight me much in schoolwork anymore.  If I can push them to service, to doing the dishes well, to sweeping the floor well, reading to a younger sibling even if they don't want to, they learn more skills and learn compassion and teamwork in the process.

Get Them on Your Team, or in other words, Be on Their Team 

You know that amazing teacher that you had in school?  The one who made an impact on you that you still carry with you?  I bet that teacher made you feel like you were a part of something bigger than yourself.  I bet that teacher brought information to you that changed you.  From what I can see, that happens with a foundation of mutual trust, and the ability to inspire.  I bet she taught with passion and a silly hat.  I bet she expected a lot from you.  I bet the standard was high.  A great teacher is not one that makes silly multiple choice question and checking off boxes primary.  Its inspiration and mutual trust.  Mutual trust is extraordinarily difficult to build in a classroom setting I imagine.  You have a bit of an advantage at home.

You can make your child do a worksheet, if that is your goal in life.  You can condition them to take tests.  But you cannot teach them without being on the same team.  You can't make them learn.  You can make them parrot.  It's not like straining to get off the lid to a jar and then shoving stuff in.  You can make their hands do stuff, and to say the right things.  But to think?  To explore?  To inquire?  That has to start inside your child.  Your child will excel if they own it.  If they don't own it, it's not education.  It's merely entertainment.  In all reality the excellence and depth of their education will effect them more than anyone else, and the sooner they know that the better.  The power to learn anything is in their hands.  You can introduce it to them, but how far that information takes them is up to them.  

This is totally anti-school systems, where legislators believe that teachers have these magic wands they hand out in college that you can wave over students and "make them learn."  Talk to any teacher out there, and they feel exhausted under that weight and pressure to control things that are not within their control.  They get annoyed when the whole responsibility to excel lies with them, and no responsibility lies with the child.  They understand it's a two way street.  The government thinks that if they put pressure on teachers they will get better results but I'm telling you, the teachers can only do so much.  They are humans, not wizard-like puppeteers.  (Though I have met a few who have made me question whether or not they are magical.  Some are incredible motivators.)

Excellence has to come from the child.  If you can lay a foundation for your child that they have the world at their fingertips, that they can figure anything out if they work at it enough, that it's ultimately up to them...they will step up.  Kids love responsibility, and they love being apart of something important.  The age in which they step up to the plate will vary from child to child.  It cannot be controlled.  It can be encouraged and inspired.  Believe me, the sooner you get your child on board with owning their educational experience, the better...for both of you.  This does require giving up some control.  It will take wisdom to see or sense that the time is right, because sometimes we as parents do need to come in and take over.  But this goal should take center stage, and the sooner the better.

One of the best things you can do in the early years of homeschooling is lay that foundation of mutual  trust, and inspiration.  This is especially true if you have a strong willed child.  Working with them is so much less exhausting than working against them.  The goal during these years is to entice them on this educational journey.  These are not the push-them years.  These are the show them the possibilities years.

The Curriculum is a Tool

I'm kinda a curriculum junkie.  I love getting a fresh teacher's manual and fresh inspiration to introduce poetry, reading, music, or science to my kids.  Curriculum is fun.  But it is essential to understand the curriculum is not the boss.  It does not rule you.  You bought it, it did not buy you.  You are not the slave.  In fact, I'll tell you a little secret.  You can spend the whole first couple of years just on character development if you want.  You can study topics like loyalty, patience, service, courage, love, perseverance.  You know, things that can be foundational for your child's whole life.  Can you imagine what the rest of your child's education would look like if they had a foundation of patience and hard work and compassion?  What great tools!  You don't have to do anything else. I know stepping away from the yoke of a curriculum feels like you are letting go of a lifeboat, but let me assure you...you can swim.  Keep the main thing the main thing.  The goal is to have your child learning something every day.  That is a super easy way to insure that your child is learning what they are ready for.  Most kids want to learn to read.  If they're getting it, great!  They will be excited.  If it is just not clicking, take a step back from that for a month or two and study something else.  (Don't forget to keep reading to them, though!) That way the momentum is in the spot where they are always learning something.  You don't want to equate learning with feeling stuck and stupid in the early years.  The key to the early years is momentum.

With my son with some learning disabilities, we did a little bit of OT exercises for his reading every day so his brain would start developing in the way that was necessary.  But then we'd put it aside and he'd do a month's worth of math in one day.  Because he loved math.  He just couldn't get enough of it.  This route was much less fight, and he didn't lose his learning momentum.  He's now not only at the point where he's reading for fun, he's reading and I don't even know about it.  Yesterday he was telling me about the burden on Christian's shoulders from Pilgrim's Progress, and how there was so much more to that story.  (Actually, it was a abridged and extraordinarily illustrated version called The Dangerous Journey. ) "Bud, when did you read The Dangerous Journey?  I read you like a chapter out loud 3 months ago, and then I decided to do a different book instead."  I said.

"Oh, I finished it later Mom.  I just had to find out what happened. It's a great story!" (Take note this book was 2 grade levels above where he's at.  But he wanted to find out how it ended, and that's the point.)

When you have a strong willed child, the most powerful thing you can do for their education is give it to them.  Introduce, inspire.  They will take it further than you could have possibly imagined.

This will REQUIRE, (and this is the hard part) it will require that you limit "twaddle."  In those early years it's especially important that you limit the stupid commercial cartoon books from the library, hours of television, and computer games.  I'm not saying get rid of them, I'm saying limit them.  You want to develop their tastes during this time.  Don't feed them sugar all day.  Just like you don't feed babies fruit baby food before the vegetables, you don't let your kids free on twaddle, and expect them to sit down to great pieces of literature.  We got rid of all Disney books, My Little Pony books, and Star Wars books from our home bookshelves.  They're words on paper pages, yes, but they're not literature.    I'm not saying you should get rid of "sugar" things completely, but we have had to go through seasons of fasting from these things in order to retrain their brains to think and play, because they get so obsessed.  Right now my kids are allowed to take home 1 "twaddle" book from the library, but the rest are quality literature.  They work from a list.  When they argue with me about it, they get a fast from twaddle so they can remember there are better books out there.  If they don't ever pick up any of the "quality" books the whole week, then they get a break from the twaddle too.  I want to teach them moderation.  A child who is fed cookies all day will resist the juicy meat.  Put your kids in a position where everything in front of them is delightfully educational.  It's all about the home environment, and what you make available.

It doesn't have to be a lot. We want them learning deeply, and learning things that matter.  We don't want them just doing stuff everyday, we want them learning stuff everyday.  If your curriculum is not helping you achieve that, then skip that part.  It's dragging you down.  Teach your kids to prioritize which things stay in your lives and which things don't.  Set something aside for the next year, or wait a month or two.  Years can be wasted just spinning wheels.  

Teaching your child to spin wheels, and teaching them to work hard are two different things.

...the main difference being purpose and inspiration.

Don't teach them to spin their wheels like a hamster.  Unless they need to burn off some energy, then go ahead and build them a hamster wheel.  I've thought of doing that several times with our long winters.  

Spinning wheels work feels like work, and it is, but it's purposeless work.  It's a distraction.  It's straight out of Screwtape Letters which is a book that isn't on homeschooling at all, but I still highly recommend.  Don't teach your kids to have the illusion of work.  The real thing is just so much better.  

I've realized that we as adults, sometimes have a history of doing purposeless work in our own schooling, and we feel as though it's a right of passage.

But maybe, and I'm just putting this thought out there: maybe if we don't claim that it's a right of passage, and we don't claim this spinning wheels work as important then the only alternative is to admit that we wasted weeks, months, or even years of our life.  And that's not a fun thing to admit.

My point is if you think children will only learn their history lesson by filling in a bunch of blanks on an educator approved worksheet, you are a bureaucrat.  But if you take the view that you will teach a child history by any means possible, even a worksheet, book, play, or movie, you are a teacher.  Don't be a slave to the system you purchased.  It is a tool, not your ruler.  I love reading John Taylor Gatto, who was an extremely well accomplished public school teacher in New York, and one the New York and National teacher award.  He attributes all his success to these exact things: bringing the kids out of the classroom and into the real world, making the child's interest/needs a higher priority than the curriculum/schedule, and having high standards.  He said in order to teach children, he had to basically break every rule.

Of course, swinging to the other side is dangerous too.  Doing only things your child loves, and making it all about your child desires and aspirations can yield a sense of selfishness, and entitlement.  It's wonderful to do something menial.  Please don't misunderstand this message.  But make it have purpose.  Have them call out numbers for Bingo at a retirement home.  Pick up leaves outside as a present to surprise Daddy.  Sweep the kitchen floor and fold laundry.  Put some love and purpose into it.  Don't let the whole school day be about "getting stuff done."  Because when it gets to be that, you really aren't getting anything done at all.

I hope this helps those of you who are in the early years.  Also, since it's that time of year when I start to get all sorts of inquiries about homeschooling, so for those who want more details on my advice for those who are in that place, here is last year's post for those considering it.

Yarn Along

So, one of my dear, dear aunts and I have a lot in common, one being we have both always struggled with keeping our homes clean.  We were messaging back and forth a few weeks ago, and she said she had found an amazing book on cleaning that I just had to read.  She was so insistent that I read it, that she said, "You know what?  I'm just going to send it to you for your birthday."

It's a Japanese book, and I smiled at some of the cultural aspects addressed.  (A bedroom was measured by the number of mats fit in it.)  To be perfectly honest, I have thrown this book a few times.

Like when she said that some people have messy homes because they can't seem to put stuff away.

throw the book at the wall.

Yeah.  My problem couldn't be 5 children in my house dumping stuff faster than I pick it up.  Couldn't be.  Stupid lady.  All I do is clean up.

So I picked it up again, because I trust my aunt, and I trust her judgment.  She never sends me stuff.  If she sent it, she must have for a reason.

Then the lady goes on and on about how she never has to tidy anymore.  Her house is always clean and things are always put away, and I too can have this life where I just come home from work and take a long hot bath in my impeccably clean home.

throw the book at the wall.

Stupid lady.  I don't live in lala land.  You cannot tell me you have a method where I never have to tidy my house again.  It's against nature.

So I pick up the book again, because my aunt knows me, and she knows herself, and if she found something that works, it must work.  As I read I think there is something lost in translation because I find she's not talking about cleaning, she's talking about tidying in particular.  She's talking about clutter.  She's talking about piles of junk that show up out of the blue everyday.  She's talking about simplifying.

OK, now this is my language.  I'm slowly starting to understand.

About a week before I got this book from my aunt, I ran across this blog post about the idea of wardrobe capsules.  Studies show that most people just wear the same small amount of clothes, and most of your clothes sit unused.  This system is where you keep only your favorite clothes, and only have out in your closet the cluster of clothes that you will wear for that season (3 months or so.)  That way, when you look in your closet, it's quick and easy to see what you want.  That idea had already been percolating in the back of my mind.  I love the idea of decluttering and go through purges.  But this book isn't about going through a purge.  It's about living the purge.  There's a definite method to it that I have never been taught.  She says most people have never be taught  how to tidy, meaning we were taught how to put things away, but we are rarely taught how to decide what gets put away, and what needs to go, so the house does not get overwhelmed.  The principles to that are in here.

So with a vision of what I want my closet to look like, and using the principles of this book, I have been tackling my closet to start with.  That's where she says to startI'm constantly having piles of clothes accumulate on the chair in my room.  That chair isn't for sitting, it's for clothes piles.  Clothes are stuffed to the brim in my closet, and I even have piles on the floor in there now.

The reason that I have so many clothes and use so few is for a completely different post I'm working on writing.  For now, we'll just say that's the short version of the situation.  The fact that I've gone through the body changes of growing 5 children to birth, and I am not able to do stuff that normal people do like try on clothes in the store have something to do with it.  It's a whole long saga.

So I've decluttered before.  I've cleaned out my closet before and got rid of stuff.  That isn't anything new.  However, this book has some very different methods for decluttering, in a way that makes it "stick" and I have to say, I'm really liking this.  I've gone through my tops, bottoms, dresses and socks thus far.  I've got my underwear, purses, shoes, and accessories left this week.  You declutter not room by room, but category by category.  You don't get rid of things you hate, you pick up each item, and see if it sparks joy.  I know, I know, it sounds cheesy.  But it's been working.

Now I look in my closet, and it's like going to In and Out Burger.  OK, maybe that's not the best illustration, but I like having limited options, when all the options are delightful.  It's just been so simple.  I'm loving this and it's truly like I'm carrying around less garbage.  I don't even have enough clothes out in my closet to make a significant pile.  Once I decided which of my clothing "sparked joy" I bagged up 5 (count them!! FIVE!!) garbage bags full of clothes that will leave my house.  I then used the capsule idea without any effort at all, and only have hanging the clothes that I will wear this season, limiting myself to the portions in the blogpost linked above except I kept a few more dresses.  I love wearing dresses on Sunday and 2 is just not enough.  I kept 5.  Because I'm the boss.

So, I'm only on chapter 3 right now.  I'm hoping this book gets more into how to declutter the rest of the house.  I really like the ideas presented.  I do still throw the book from time to time, when the 20 something, I have no children and just need to keep my little apartment tidy attitude comes out through the author.  But the more I read, the more I consider that some principles are universal.  The human nature is the same no matter what stage of life you are in.  Really, some lightbulbs are going off in my head as she's explaining what I'm doing and why I'm doing it as if she has a camera watching me.  It's starting to get eerie.  I was just reading last night about why the clutter problem is so common with the younger sister, and why that is, and as a younger sister myself (in the habit of hand-me-downs) my jaw just kept dropping as I realized what I was doing.

Honestly, I'm considering reading this book out loud to my children for our next read aloud.  Silje has taken notice of my room's transformation, and she wants to read it so she can do her room next.  If this thing catches on, it could be a game changer.

***

As for knitting, I'm focusing this summer on actually writing all the patterns I need to publish.  I need a really clear brain for that since I have such a build up, so I'm pausing from knitting my own designs and making a shawl for a friend of mine.  I'm taking some Madelinetosh Prairie Lace yarn in "fragrant" from my stash and I first bought this pattern, because it is so her.  But about 2 hours into knitting this, I realized that this pattern is much more complicated than my brain is handling right now.  Seriously, I don't know what half of these abbreviations are.

This designer is all kinds of genius, way above my attention span, and I'm thoroughly impressed with it, and someday I may knit it, and I normally love it when I find a pattern where I can learn some new techniques.  But right now I'm really just looking for an easy knit I can bring outside when I'm watching the kids play.  I want something simple I can bring to the lake and hold a conversation with someone.  So I decided to go with this pattern instead, which I found through a Ravelry search.  It's really simple, but I think there's this multipurpose elegance to it too.  I want one.  The abundance of knit stitches over and over again in that stockinette stitch done in the round is exactly  what I'm in the mood for right now.  I'm chilling out just looking at the pictures.  So that is going on the needles, and I had to learn how to do "Judy's Magic Cast On" so I'm still working with a pattern where I have to learn at least one new technique.  Everyone of my personalities is happy now.

Growth

So, our baby chicks are getting big.  We are still figuring out what breeds we ended up being left with after several of them didn't make the journey to our house.  I think I've identified at least 1 of the chicks as a rooster.  This was to be our first year of keeping a rooster, and we had ordered 5 to choose from.  Now we don't know how many are roosters because so many died.  The one that I identified as a rooster already we will not keep long term.  He charges me whenever I go visit them.  I have a feeling that's not a good sign.

We have been talking about getting turkeys for a few years, but about 2 weeks ago, Knut out of the blue said, "Oh, just order some turkeys.  Do it quick so they will be ready for Thanksgiving."  So I ordered 15, since that's the minimum order, of Bourbon Red Turkeys.  We picked that one because we may or may not decide to overwinter a breeding pair, and hatch our own turkeys next year.  However, not all turkey breeds can reproduce naturally.  In fact, most breeding on conventional meat turkeys is done artificially so that when the birds are mature, they have more breast meet.  However, this makes them so top-heavy, they can't breed.  Don't laugh.  So we got breed able turkeys.  From what we hear, they are fairly dumb birds, and will die if you look funny at them.  The kids must have made funny faces at 2 of them because we are down to 13 now.

After the debacle of the chicks coming in a day late a few weeks ago, the post office made extra sure that the turkeys got to us ASAP.  I woke up at 5:00am to my phone ringing.  (It was still dark out people.  That's not morning.  That's night.)  I croaked out a "Hello" and they apologized for waking me, but said they had some live birds for me to come pick up.  I said "Thank you," hung up the phone, and went back to sleep.  Well, I tried to, but Knut said, "are you going to pick them up?"  I said, "in an hour." Then he said, "You better set an alarm."  I said, "You're right."  And then I did.  You really can get a better idea of the conversation if you put about a couple minutes of dozing between each sentence we each said.  The whole conversation took about 15 minutes between him and me.

So I pried myself out of bed a few minutes after 6.  Miraculously no one else in the house was up yet, so I snuck downstairs grabbed the car keys and drove the van to town.

I'm not sure if you've ever picked up packages at the back door of the post office.  They didn't give me instructions this time because I've gotten used to it now.  The whole thing is terrifying.  When the front doors are still locked, and they are not open for business, but they really want you to pick up your live animal, they tell you to come to the back door.

First you drive into the "restricted" portion of the parking lot.  Not only does it tell you that you will be towed, it tells you that you are breaking the law if you are going back there unauthorized and you will be arrested.  You pull the car up to where semi trucks usually park, and where there are cameras, and perhaps rifles pointed at you for all you know.  As you ascend the stairs there are signs proclaiming that you are committing high treason if you take another step towards the sacred and secure packages.

OK, so maybe they don't say that, but there's an overkill of warnings and it freaks me out.

So I rang the buzzer, and the door immediately unlocked, and I go into a room full of packages but no people.  Actually I'm relieved as soon as I get inside because the owner of the yarn store that used to be in town actually works at the post office too and sometimes I can see her and chat for a minute or two.  It's hard to go anywhere in town without seeing a familiar, friendly face.

The ride home from picking up birds is much louder than then the ride into town.  Their little chirps are so much fun.

The kids were delighted when they were eating breakfast with Knut, to find that I came home with a noisy package.

The strawberry plants are starting to green up and stretch out. I got some gardening done yesterday, but mostly clearing away dead stuff, and spreading some compost, which really should have been done last Fall.  Silje and David very willingly filled the wheelbarrow for me over and over again.  I'll take their enthusiasm as long as I can, since I know it will dwindle around June.  We got some rain last night, which we weren't expecting as the chances on the forecast were so slim.  So that has adjusted our gardening plans for the week.  I'm actually fine with that.